Jimmie Allen is opening up about the fallout after his sexual assault scandal. The singer said he contemplated suicide amid all of the controversy.
Last year, Allen's manager sued the singer for allegedly sexually assaulting her. She said that he abused her over the course of 18 months. However, Allen denied the allegations saying that he was in a sexual relationship with the woman, but it was consensual. The manager has since dropped the lawsuit against the singer.
However, Allen in a YouTube video said he hit a new personal low. "I was sitting there and I literally felt like the whole world had just collapsed. 'Cause the first thing my brain goes to is not the career, it's 'How am I going to provide for my kids?'" he said.
He considered ending it all because he felt like there was no way for his reputation to recover after the allegations. "It hit me. My life insurance covers suicide," he said. "I don't feel that way now, but in that moment, when you feel like you have nothing in the midst of a society where it's no longer innocent until proven guilty... [people think] she said this so it must be true."
Jimmie Allen Says Friend Saved His Life
Allen entertained more than just thoughts. He said he moved all of his evidence to his phone and then started putting bullets in his gun clip. Fortunately, a friend of Allen's texted him at the right moment.
"My friend Chuck texted me... He said, 'Ending it isn't the answer.' When I read those words that... I just stopped," Allen said. "I remember I called one of my buddies... He came up [and] I gave him my gun. I said, 'Take it. I don't need it.' My mom flew in, and then I started receiving phone calls from different artists checking in on me, saying they love me, they care about me, they know who I am. Then I started receiving calls from people I didn't even expect. Some of the biggest actors in Hollywood that I've been fans of for years — I've never met — somehow got my phone number and called me."
He said that ultimately he was able to get through this period in his life, turning to faith. However, he continued to struggle with suicidal thoughts. Allen went to therapy.
"Every single day, I remember battling: Do I want to live? Do I not want to live?" he recalled. "When bills get due. I'm like, 'Man, my family would have X amount of dollars if I would've took care of something,' but I realized that's not the way to do it."
He continued, "After a few months... I started to look at the situation different. It went from, 'God, why is this happening to me?' to 'God, what am I supposed to learn?'" he said. "... I went from hating her to a little bit kind of feeling bad for her, trying to understand what was going on in her life that she needed to do this. How did I not make myself available for a conversation about her feelings?"
