"Y'all ain't got no Pop Its? No Disco Turkeys? How about Pyro Fan?" David Spade decided to be his usual quirky self with a trip down to a fireworks stand in Kentucky. On top of being a general delight, Spade decided to take a gander at their fireworks selections to see what kind of firepower they were rockin'. And, boy, did he get a fireworks tour worth remembering!
Videos by Wide Open Country
I was in Kentucky and had to find a #fireworks stand #joedirt #snakesandspaklers #theconsumer #july4th pic.twitter.com/gf45XGQjdo
— David Spade (@DavidSpade) July 1, 2024
My favorite part of this video is the unveiling of "The Godfather." It looks like a fireworks set you buy when you're certain you're about to die and want to go out in style. Look at that behemoth. It's pretty affordable at only $899! Look, they had the decency to mark it down from its $1,300 price point, okay? Stop being so cheap!
The Joe Dirt references just put the icing on the cake. Who doesn't love buying totally legal fireworks and seeing the insane names people come up with?
"Went to a fireworks dealer in southern Ohio and there it was. A refrigerator size box full of every man's dreams. The giant box was called 'Grounds for Divorce' and there was a slightly smaller one that was called 'Spend a night in jail'!" one X (formerly known as Twitter) user says.
If I had a fireworks stand, I'd be going all-in on the absurdity. "Crooked Capitalism"! That would be one of the more expensive ones where you light it and it always finds a way to hurt you no matter how far away you think you are from it. What? No, that's not an allusion to anything at all! Don't be silly!
David Spade Is Bringing In The 4th Of July With Some Kentucky Fireworks
"This is awesome! Spade should be visiting random fireworks stands all week and live streaming it," another user suggests. I fear the concept has an extremely short shelf life. If it becomes a whole to-do, that would ruin the fun of it!
"What's crazy is spending this kind of money and then being taxed on it kind of defeats the purpose of what July 4th was about." Now, this person sounds like they're in the market for one of my Crooked Capitalism sets!
