No, I won't take this story seriously because it's hilarious. Matthew Pancake (incredible name) was arrested in Ohio for allegedly breaking into several stores. When they caught him, he was found with two hamsters inside his leopard print onesie. Yes, he was apparently committing this great caper with two hamsters.
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Police responded to a Roosters restaurant where Pancake triggered the security system. Officers retraced Pancake's steps, leading them to a pet store, Petland. How did they figure that out? There was apparently a dog hanging around the shopping center. Oh, and Petland's shattered glass windows from a few of the dog cages.
Per FOX, Petland's owner told ABC Pancake let loose 15 animals before fleeing the scene. Officers were then led to a nearby Famous Footwear shoe store. There, Pancake allegedly stole a pair of shoes. There were knocked-over shoe boxes everywhere. Finally, they received a 911 call, claiming to have spotted Pancake on a bench.
Surely enough, the police found Pancake, discovering shards of glass, a dog collar, and the two hamsters. Our leopard print pariah was taken to the Franklin County jail and booked on charges of breaking and entering and vandalism.
?Multiple gerbils recovered.?
Yep. You read that right. 2 hamsters recovered from Matthew Pancakes pants. He?s accused of going on quite the crime spree, including allegedly letting about 15 animals out of Petland near Hilliard. @wsyx6
WATCH PART 1 ??
(Part 2 in thread) pic.twitter.com/nkggViHG48— Isabelle Hanson (@IsabelleWSYX6) July 10, 2024
The Leopard Print Bandit Broke Into Multiple Stores With Hamsters In Tow
What a cinematic series of events. In another world, Pancake is most definitely a Z-tier comic book villain. His power would be the ability to control small animals, and he'd send hamsters to do his dirty work. He already has the look!
Did he steal those hamsters? Alternatively, did he have the hamsters already and decided to indulge in a night of debauchery with them as his buddles? We also can't prove he did anything. Maybe the hamsters are in charge! But we're close-minded people, so those hamsters? Going to get off scot-free while Pancake likely suffers.
One of the problems with modern journalism is that people are afraid of asking the hard-hitting questions for fear of making powerful individuals and/or companies angry. But let me ask you this, dear reader. Did those hamsters receive an IQ test? If those hamsters are hyper-intelligent, we need to have a serious conversation about... well, everything. This is only the beginning of their rise, folks.
