The month of October is well known to be the spookiest, as the weather takes on an icy chill and an eerie air spreads across every town. Halloween may be a single day, but thrills abound in the weeks leading up to it until the excitement builds to a fever pitch on All Hallows' Eve.
Videos by Wide Open Country
Though we often think of scares when it comes to Halloween, the ghouls and monsters we commonly associate with the holiday also make for great comedic material. If you see an actual monster, you may not want to laugh — but for many folks, laughter can serve as a great antidote to fear.
From vampires and mummies to werewolves and witches, this collection of jokes has risen from the grave to bring some levity to Halloween's many frights. If you enjoy a wisecrack or play on words, few holidays produce better one-liners than this one.
Share your favorites with friends and family, and enjoy your new status as the reigning champ of Halloween humor. Don't forget to dress like a clown while you're at it. It's the one time of year that you can deliver your jokes in costume without anyone batting an eye! Speaking of bats ...
Witches and Vampires
- What did the witch bring to the race? Her vroomstick.
- Why don't witches wear baseball caps? Because there's no point.
- What is a witch's favorite subject in school? Spelling!
- Why did the vampire need a mint? He had bat breath.
- What boats do vampires ride in? Blood vessels.
- What are the only fruits vampires will eat? Blood oranges.
- Where does a vampire store their fortune? The blood bank.
- What is a vampire's favorite dog breed? Bloodhound.
Ghosts
- How do ghosts wash their hair? With shamboo.
- What do the undead do for fun? Ride roller-ghosters.
- What is a ghost's favorite game? Hide and shriek!
- Why don't ghosts like rainy days? It dampens their spirits.
- What does a baby ghost wear for Halloween? A pillowcase.
- Why are ghosts bad at lying? You can see right through them.
- Why did the ghost go on a diet? To maintain their ghoulish figure.
- Why do ghosts work well together? Because teamwork makes the scream work.
- Why is it hard for ghouls to date? They're always getting ghosted.
Skeletons
- How did the skeleton get rich? By investing in crypt-o.
- Why are skeletons so calm? Nothing gets under their skin.
- What do you call an unemployed skeleton? Lazy bones.
- Why did the skull skip the Halloween part? He had no body to go with.
- What does a skeleton always order with their smoothie? A bucket and a mop.
- Why did the skeleton argue with his boss? He had a bone to pick.
- Why should you never trust skeletons with important decisions? They're all boneheads.
- Why did the corpse stay in his coffin all day? He was feeling rotten.
Mummies and Zombies
- What did the zombie buy at the deli? Zom-brie.
- What did the mummy want to be when he grew up? A famous wrapper.
- What's the best kind of movie to watch on a Halloween date? A zom-com.
- What do moms love to dress up as for Halloween? Mummies!
- Why don't mummies take vacations? They're afraid to unwind.
- Why did the zombie need caffeine? He was dead tired.
- Why are mummies the best at keeping secrets? They keep things under wraps.
Monsters
- What is a sea monster's favorite snack? Potato ships.
- What happened to the monster who ate too many houses? He got homesick.
- Why is there no fighting in the cyclops community? They all see eye to eye.
- What's the most common injury at the monster hospital? Just a boo-boo.
- Why can't werewolves ever tell you the time? Because they're not when-wolves.
- Why did the demon always read the newspaper? To see their horror-scope.
- Why does Frankenstein drink coffee in the morning? He loves a good jolt.
General Halloween
- Why are pirates the spooks of the seas? They just arrrr!
- Who's the most famous bodybuilder ever? Dr. Frankenstein.
- Why was the scarecrow promoted at work? He was the best in his field.
- What's the best way to fix a broken pumpkin? Use a pumpkin patch.
- Why are scarecrows never hungry? They're already stuffed.
- Why is it important to pay your exorcist? So your house isn't repossessed.
- Why was the Halloween party a failure? Someone forgot to bring the boos.
- Where is the spookiest place to vacation? The Boo-hamas.
- Why did no one attend the Jack-O'-Lantern's Halloween party? It was in a seedy part of town.
- Who never wins the costume contest on Halloween? The invisible man.
- What do bats do when it isn't Halloween? They just hang around.
