I Ate 10 Servings of 'Yellowstone' Mac & Cheese in 48 Hours: Here's What Happened

Yellowstone recently dropped several frozen dishes that feature Mac & Cheese. I polished off 10 servings in under 48 hours. This is my journey.

Of course, the Taylor Sheridan neo-Western series is a cultural phenomenon. The show has made TV icons of characters like John Dutton (Kevin Costner), Beth Dutton (Kelly Reilly), and the ultimate modern cowboy avatar, Rip Wheeler (Cole Hauser).

Yellowstone has spawned spin-offs, action figures, and board games. Fans want to live the series from the inside out, 24/7. What better way to embody that cowboy lifestyle than to eat as they do? Thus, the brand offers up everything from chili, meat snacks, coffee, and marinades.

The most recent addition to the brand's food offerings is a variety of frozen mac & cheese-based dishes.

"Yellowstone Mac & Cheese is a flavor-filled adventure that takes comfort food to a whole new level," their website promises.

Sheridan, you madman. I'm in.

My editor approved doing a write-up on the dishes. However, I had a deadline. I had to sample the dishes and turn around the story in roughly 48 hours. Challenge accepted.

'Yellowstone' Mac & Cheese is Available at Kroger and Walmart

I raced to my local Kroger, and behold: 5 varieties of the "essential cowboy comfort food" were available. I bought one of each, ready to embrace the ranch worker lifestyle from the inside out.

Driving home, my stomach primed for what promised to be a culinary experience, I caught a glimpse of myself in my Prius rearview mirror. I had soft, cherubic cheeks... unable to grow any facial hair. My chin was nonexistent, hidden behind layers of flab. I was as far away from the rugged Rip Wheeler as humanly possible.

I was a tenderfoot writer, and I felt shame to my core.

Meanwhile, when I got home I noticed a red flag about the Yellowstone dishes: They were a "product of Canada". Could this cowboy dish not be as authentic as I'd hoped?

However, the nutritional information rallied my spirits. There were two servings in each container, and the entire dish boasted 780 calories and 15 grams of protein.

I shot a text to a doctor friend letting him know I'd be eating roughly 4,000 calories worth of macaroni and cheese in two days. He quipped that "side effects could include indigestion, diarrhea, constipation, nausea, vomiting, lethargy, fatigue, [and] insomnia."

His warning did nothing. My soul was ready. Cowboy Mac & cheese, take me away.

I Take My First Step Into a Larger World

My first cowboy comfort meal was 5 Cheese Burnt End Mac. It promised cavatappi pasta with smoked beef burnt ends in a five-cheese blend. The image on the box ("enlarged to show texture and detail"), depicted a meal fit for a ranch hand, full of thick chunks of meat and hearty cheese.

However, after 35 minutes in the oven, I was left with a grayish sludge.

Still, it smelled good, and I had a job to do (plus, it was lunchtime). I diligently devoured the entire container's worth. It was blander than I'd anticipated, but the brisket was a nice touch.

Dinner came quickly, and I excitedly picked Smoked Pulled Pork Mac as my next meal. 35 minutes later, I inhaled it, finding myself craving another infusion of the cowboy way.

This offering seemed to have more meat than the last and I bit more flavor to it. Satisfied, I went to bed.

My Journey with 'Yellowstone' Mac & Cheese Takes a Transformative Turn

My sleep was restless, and I awoke covered in a sheen of cold sweat. I went to the bathroom and splashed water on my face without even bothering to turn the light on.

I stumbled to my car and drove to my favorite downtown cafe. With my hands on the steering wheel, I noticed inexplicable grit under my nails, and my knuckles seemed hairier than normal.

My barista Donovan was taken aback by my appearance. I suppose my sleepless night made me appear haggard. Regardless, he dutifully prepared my usual: a soy latte with a delightful dash of lavender. I got it to go and stepped out to my car.

I took a sip and spit it out instantly. It was so...sickly sweet.

However, when I sat inside my car, I caught a glimpse of myself in the rearview mirror. Overnight, I had grown a mustache that Sam Elliot might give a hat tip to.

Once home, I brewed up a pot of black coffee and selected my next cowboy frozen meal. I opted for Loaded Mac & Cheese. Though this offering boasted bacon and ground beef, it also contained jalapeños and diced tomatoes. It was practically a salad!

I powered through the vegetables, thankful for crunchy bits of bacon layered in the three-cheese mix.

A sudden need for rest hit me almost instantly. For some reason, I felt an irresistible urge to stumble into my backyard. I fell asleep on the grass.

My 'Yellowstone' Mac & Cheese Home Stretch

I awoke to a sea of endless stars outstretched in the night sky. Sitting up, I noticed my sneakers replaced with dirt-encased cowboy boots. Meanwhile, my favorite pair of vanilla-colored skinny jeans was also gone; now I wore deep blue denim Wranglers, also spattered with dirt.

I stood and stretched, glancing toward my driveway. Where my Prius was normally parked, there was an F-450 that looked like it'd seen its fair share of off-roading adventures.

Where had I gone last night?

However, there was no time to think over the previous night's events. I had a fourth cowboy comfort frozen meal to eat: the classic Bacon Mac & Cheese.

Maybe it was a law of diminishing returns sort of thing, but this entry proved to be especially bland. However, the crunch of the bacon was as pleasant as always. Plus, I felt the calories and protein reinvigorating me.

I found a new set of keys in my Wranglers, along with a pocket knife with a praying cowboy etched on the handle. I drove my new truck out to the country and found an empty pasture. There, I wandered. At one point, I spotted a coyote out on the horizon and felt a kinship, like we were sharing a soul.

My final Yellowstone Mac & Cheese meal beckoned me, like a torch in the outer dark.

My Final 'Yellowstone' Mac & Cheese Meal

I'd saved the best for last: 5 Cheese Brisket Mac.

The final cowboy comfort meal was the best. However, it felt like it was less about the taste (which was good; the brisket popped especially in this portion),  but the lifestyle.

Of course, I was a limp-wristed city slicker no more. After five Yellowstone Mac & Cheese meals, I intuitively knew how to rope and ride. When Rip Wheeler says a line like: "I'd rather kill a thousand men than shoot another horse,' I no longer smirk. I felt it to my core.

The Yellowstone Mac & Cheese meals also made the real me rip out of that Pee-Wee Herman manchild like some sort of cowboy lycanthrope. Muscles pulsed under my snap-front Western shirts, and a full beard hung on my determined face.

48 hours ago, I buried the version of me that still watched 80s cartoons, and classic monster movies and collected action figures. I clawed out of that grave, transformed into Rip Wheeler spitting out a phrase like, "Be a man about it. Don't scream."

And there is no going back.