It's debutante season in Monarch country, and everyone's doing the Texas dip. On this week's episode, "The Crown," after a quick performance of Deana Carter's "Strawberry Wine," Nicky corrals her apparently horse-loving daughter Tatum into competing in Aunt Nellie's debutante ball. Nicky's heart's in the right place, because she wants to take Tatum's mind off her missing dad, who's been gone for two months now, but it doesn't appear that she's actually taken much of Tatum's likes or personality into consideration, since she seems to hate it from the jump.
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We actually get a lot of exposition right at the top of this week's episode. The cops somehow only just now find Clive's car out in the woods. Albie is shooting cans off a rail while telling Nicky he moved Ana and Catt out of their place because "no daughter and granddaughter of mine are going to be living in a one-star motel." And Nicky's coy stringing along of Jamie, who also apparently does live sound now. Meanwhile, at Gigi's house, Earl is trying to offer up his services as a personal stylist, saying he'll help her "really make a splash" at Nicky's climactic Violet Crown-celebrating pool party.
Meanwhile, there's blood in Clive's car and it's Deb season
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Uncle Tripp, district attorney, shows up at the house to tell Albie subtly that a) he's planning on running for governor someday and b) that they found the car and there's a single drop of blood inside. "DNA always tells a story," Tripp says, "so if there's more to this than we know, it's going to tell us." Albie does a fairly decent job acting with his "so you think he's ..." and typically stoic but also quasi-emotional facial expressions, which is also a nice twist of understatement in the world of Monarch.
All dudded up in a bright yellow dress that Earl says is a shame to "waste ... on Austin hausfraus," Nicky escorts Tatum to deb practice, where it's clear she's both weeks behind everyone else and generally just not into the whole patriarchal practice. She gets an escort named Thatcher, who she didn't choose, for some reason, and she struggles to do a Texas Dip, which is very much a real thing.
While Albie and Luke try and figure out whose blood is in Clive's car — they suspect it's Nicky's, from when her dirtbag ex split her lip — Nicky enlists Gigi, who is still bartending for some reason, to talk to Tatum about the ball. We get a very upsetting flashback to when Gigi went for the Violet Crown, slapped her handsy attendant and then came out to her complete asshole of a mother, who told her, "Now that you've had your say, I do not have to hear that ever again." As Romans, Dottie says, "You keep your truth to yourself."
When Nicky meets with Catt to talk about DNA testing, she offers Ana a slot performing at her pool party. Ace is performing at the actual ball, as well, it seems. When we actually get to the party, Nicky is clad in a very Dynasty-like white ensemble, while Gigi shows up in a bikini to a party where no one else appears to be wearing a bathing suit. She looks fierce, but a reporter asks her how she gets "the confidence to be so revealing with your body," to which Gigi retorts, "Are you saying something is wrong with my body? How do you get the confidence to be so revealing with your stupidity?"
The Roman family just can't stop with the Mama drama
Ana and Ace attempt to sneak off but get thwarted by Catt, who really should say something to someone about the pair possibly being first cousins. (I seem to remember some sort of scuttlebutt early on about Ace being adopted, but still, it's weird.) Ana takes the pool stage in sequins to perform Bonnie Raitt's "Something To Talk About," and then Tatum steps up to act as the host for the day before turning around to reveal that her dress has been spray painted to say, "screw the patriarchy." She then takes a dive into the pool before telling off her mom inside the house. When Gigi comes to talk to Nicky, Nicky lashes out, asking Gigi why she'd tell Tatum to embarrass her. Gigi lashes out even harder, telling Nicky, "I thought you would do a better job with your kids than Mama did, but I guess I was wrong." Woof.
After that, Nicky ropes Jamie in for an escape, and the pair seemingly consummate their flirtation in a hotel room. Jamie arrives with post-coital desserts, which Nicky refuses, saying, "I don't eat that. I can't eat that." As she explains, "If I don't hold on tight, it all falls apart. My family, my legacy. ..." Jamie (who is still a little sketchy) replies with something to the effect of "But then who takes care of you?" which is a nice thing to hear but does make me wonder if he's trying to horn in there for some reason. After all, as Luke tells Nicky during a pre-pool party meeting, "We were raised to be suspicious when there's nothing to be suspicious about."
And a couple of cousins are doing the nasty
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Speaking of consummation, Ace and Ana end up doing it in a field, somewhere, post-party, with Ana holding her cousin's proverbial hand through his nervous first-time. They seem very happy and in love, but I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's all too "Romeo and Juliet," and there's a tragic ending afoot.
Albie attempts to strong-arm Tripp, telling him it's his blood in the car and that he beat up Clive before he disappeared. Tripp says there are multiple law enforcement agencies involved, and he has to run it. But Albie pulls up some old dirt, telling Tripp, "You have everything because of me." Tripp asks, "It's been 40 years. When is the debt paid," and Albie responds, "It's paid when I say it's paid." Given the fact that Tripp decides to run the blood for DNA at the end of the episode, we're bound to find out what that actually means at some point, and I look forward to it.
Gigi and Nicky quickly reconcile over their mother issues at the family's saloon, and then we're at the debutante ball, where Ace is set to perform while Tatum and Ana compete for the crown. I didn't know there was usually a competition element to these things, but maybe it's different in Texas than it is on Gossip Girl or whatever. Ace confesses on stage that he has an anxiety disorder but that someone (Ana) is helping him work through it, and then he plays "This One's For The Girls" by Martina McBride, which is pretty appropriate, if a little weird coming from a 16-year-old boy.
The Roman sibling we all saw coming
A father-daughter dance ensues, and Luke dances with Tatum while Albie dances with Ana. The Romans' head of security shows up with DNA results on Catt, and it turns out she is actually the fourth Roman sibling — or half-sibling, as it were. Tatum wins the Violet Crown because she's a Roman, even though she's wearing riding boots, and then Nicky steps in to give it to Ana instead, telling her family later that she "wanted to keep it in the family."
While it's nice to have it finally sorted out that Catt is, in fact, Albie's daughter, I feel like they dragged that out forever. It's already episode eight, after all. I wonder how it all plays out from here. Catt does seem appropriately weirded out that Ana and Ace are falling for each other, but not enough to ask Nicky to step in, which would certainly help. Will they tell Ana who her grandpa is next week, or will they tell Ace about his cousin? And will that drop of blood turn out to be anything at all? As always, only time will tell when Monarch returns with a new episode next Tuesday, November 15.
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