Nashville star Hayden Panettiere is opening up about her brother Jansen's death for the first time. The actor said it destroyed her.
Panettiere's brother passed away in 2023 from an undiagnosed heart condition. As his older sibling, the Nashville star struggled with survivor's guilt.
"He was my only sibling, and it was my job to protect him," she told People. "When I lost him, I felt like I lost half of my soul."
After he died, Panettiere struggled to leave the house and fell into a deep depression. She said that the incident flared her agoraphobia. "I had to see horrific paparazzi pictures of myself coming out of Jansen's funeral, which happened in a very private place, and it was shocking," she said. "My agoraphobia came out, which is something I've struggled with in the past."
Panettiere also said that her body reacted to the stress. She began to balloon outward and put on a rapid weight gain. She said this worsened her depression and self-esteem. "I didn't feel confident to put on clothes and get out of the house, but I also knew that I needed to get out and keep moving or I'd never stop looking and feeling this way," she said.
'Nashville' Star Looks Forward
The Nashville star added, "It became a destructive hamster wheel of, do I feel good enough to go out?"
Since then, Panettiere has started working with a personal trainer and working to improve herself. She said she would go on long walks. She found them therapeutic.
"My body just started reacting, not just from the working out. It allowed me to release the stress, the high expectations I'd always put on myself," she said. "There's nothing like looking in the mirror and feeling like you look good enough to walk out the door."
She said she's gained new insight following her brother's passing. "When something that massive has happened to you, you really learn to pick your fights and just not let the little things upset you," she shared. "Because once something so horrific, so deep, so catastrophic happens in your life, there's not much that can really rock you."
However, she said she would never heal from his passing.
"I will always be heartbroken about it. I will never be able to get over it," the Nashville star said. "No matter how many years go by, I will never get over his loss."
