For a lot of people, the ads are the reason they tune in for the Super Bowl. They're not particularly interested in what Taylor's boyfriend is up to on the gridiron. They want to see those big-budget, celebrity-filled commercials that have been hyped up for the past two weeks in teasers. For them, the football game is just what happens between the commercials.
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The day after the Big Game, watercoolers across the nation will be buzzing with debate over which commercial was the best. Which ones made us laugh the hardest? Which ones made us shed a tear? And which ones bombed entirely? The answers, of course, are entirely subjective. But it's fun to hash it out regardless.
This year saw companies going all out. And it may have been one of the most star-studded commercial lineups we've seen yet. But for me, it seemed companies were almost too preoccupied with the celebrity cameos. Genuine belly laughs and emotional moments seemed fewer and further between than usual. It was more of a competition to see who could cram the most celebrities into a 30-second to minute-long window as possible.
As we close the books on another football season, let's break down the biggest ads of Super Bowl LVIII.
Coors Light: 'Chill Train (Featuring Lainey Wilson and LL COOL J)'
Things get awkward when a woman introduces her boyfriend to the family at a Super Bowl party. Luckily, Coors is there to save the day, sending its iconic "Silver Bullet Train" on a frigid track to the family's house. This one doesn't get too much more creative than "look at all these celebs as the train hurls past them," but it's fun to see the lovable Wilson make a surprise appearance in anything.
Watch it here.
Uber Eats: 'Don't Forget Uber Eats' Featuring Jelly Roll, Jennifer Aniston and David Schwimmer
Jelly Roll is famous for his face tattoos. But the "Need a Favor" singer has said in interviews that he regrets 95% of them. He plays into that fact in his Uber Eats spot, which shows him catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror. "Did someone doodle on my face!?" he cries. "It's not coming off!" Aniston also forgets something major and is unable to recall working with "Friends" costar David Schwimmer. The gist of the ad is that to remember all of the great food choices Uber Eats offers, you need to forget something else.
Watch it here.
Paramount+: 'Sir Patrick Stewart Throws a Hail Arnold'
Streamer Paramount+ showed all of its most beloved characters and personalities — including Miami Quarterback Tua Tagovailoa, Drew Barrymore, Peppa Pig, "Survivor" host Jeff Probst and Sir Patrick Stewart — puzzling over how to climb the towering Paramount mountain (and you thought "Avengers" was an ambitious crossover). The solution? Patrick Stewart decides to chuck Arnold of "Hey Arnold!" by his football-shaped head to the summit. Unfortunately, no one notices "Halo's" Master Chief pointing to his grappling hook in the background.
Booking.com: 'Tina Fey Books Whoever She Wants to Be'
When Tina Fey sees all the choices on Booking.com, she develops a slew of alter-egos to embody the different Tinas she could be. A Bigfoot character plays "Rustic Tina" in a Wyoming cabin, her "30 Rock" castmate Jane Krakowski plays "Splurgy Tina" on Rodeo Drive and Glenn Close plays the horseback-riding "Wild Tina". It's a wacky and star-studded affair that evokes Tina's madcap, pop culture-centric humor.
Watch it here.
Kawasaki: 'Mullets'
The official motto of the mullet — "Business in the front, party in the back" — is used to describe the Kawasaki Ridge, an all-terrain golf cart-type vehicle with a truck bed. The moment our protagonists hop in and turn the ignition, they sprout majestic waving mullets — as do everyone and everything they drive past, including a Bald Eagle, a grizzly bear and "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. The most MURRICA ad of the year.
Watch it here.
State Farm: 'Agent State Farm Featuring Arnold Schwarzenegger'
Schwarzenegger is starring in an action-packed State Farm commercial that sees him pulling puppies and pregnant women from burning houses. But due to his thick Austrian accent, the insurance company's motto keeps coming out as "Like a good neighbaaa, State Farm is there." After countless reshoots, the director finally settles on a novel solution that sees Schwarzenegger reuniting with one of his former costars — and fans of a certain '80s buddy comedy flick will love the surprise cameo.
Watch it here.
Squarespace: 'Hello Down There' Directed by Martin Scorcese
Scorcese is known best for his violent mobster thrillers, but he does a spectacular job in this fun Squarespace ad. The spot has a clever premise: the aliens are trying to get our attention, but humans are too busy looking at UFO footage on their phones to glance up and notice them. Finally, they beam a message straight onto our screens: "Hello Down There." That does the trick. But Scorcese, who makes a cameo at the end, is unimpressed.
Watch it here.
e.l.f.: 'In e.l.f. We Trust' Featuring the Cast of 'Suits' and Judge Judy
Cosmetics company e.l.f. reunites the cast of "Suits" and shows them testifying for a makeup-related crime. Presiding over the case is the one and only Judge Judy — fittingly renamed "Judge Beauty" for the commercial. There are a whole bunch of additional celebs crammed into the courtroom, including "RuPaul's Drag Race" star HeidiNCloset and Ronald Gladden from "Jury Duty."
Watch it here.
Bud Light: 'Easy Night Out' Featuring Post Malone and Peyton Manning
A lucky Broncos fan opens up a fridge to a magic Bug Light bottle containing the Bud Light genie. A party montage set to Steppenwolf's "Magic Carpet Ride" ensues as the genie grants all kinds of wishes, including Peyton Manning as a best friend, a house party with Posty on the mic and a copious amount of Bud Light. All seems to be going well until Post Malone gets his hands on the magic bottle.
Watch it here.
Budweiser: 'Old School Delivery'
Budweiser could've just had a nice commercial with a dog and horses. Instead, they mired this year's spot in political undertones. Last year, Bud Light snapped a photo of trans influencer Dylan Mulvaney posing with a couple of their brewskis. Seems innocent enough, but plenty of people freaked out and posted videos of themselves shooting cases of Bud Light with machine guns. In this year's ad, the beverage company has not-so-subtly admitted they're caving to the temper tantrums, despite last year's 80% revenue growth overseas and their total beer market share in the US stabilizing by April. "Let's do it the old school way," the rugged beer delivery/farmer dude says. It's a direct reference to delivering Budweiser by horsedrawn carriage, but the subtext is quite apparent: we promise we won't do something like humanize a trans person ever again.
Watch it here.