Every so often, a gift of a story will fall right into my lap. One Paul Moses Alden did the most Texas thing imaginable. Alden was arrested in San Antonio for, let's see here... Ah, here we are! Booby-trapping toilets in bathrooms of local businesses. I can't bury the lede but so much because it's in the headline -- but as an added bonus? The fireworks were pressure-activated! Basically, Alden woke up and decided to become a Saturday morning cartoon villain!
The formal charge is arson causing reckless damage - bodily injury, per USA Today. The story goes that Alden placed fireworks under the toilet seats in the restrooms. Multiple people reported minor injuries once the fireworks detonated. Somehow, there's a timeline to this story!
On July 20, Alden started at the Wash Tub, a car wash in Helotes. "Authorities caught a man on their security camera entering a unisex bathroom; then a small explosion was seen shortly after," USA Today reports. A woman was injured, but she was able to leave to report the crime.
Six days later? A girl and a Wash Tub employee were accosted by the fireworks in San Antonio. I need y'all to forgive me for this next quoted bit. I promise it's not funny because people got hurt -- try to imagine this as you read it.
"The affidavit says Alden was spotted on security cameras entering and leaving the bathrooms, sitting in the lobbies of the businesses, watching the bathroom door and then leaving after the explosives went off."
A Man In Texas Planted Pressure-Activated Fireworks In Bathrooms
You want to know how they caught Alden? It turns out he was easy to identify, actually! He was a regular Wash Tub customer. He had a membership card. Honestly, you can't write a funnier conclusion than that! But I have one question. One simple, earnest question.
Why? Was this meant to be a "joke"? What made Alden commit to this? How long did he think he was going to get away with it -- especially as an established customer?
And why Wash Tub specifically? Did he get an unsatisfactory car washing and decide to take his revenge against the business in the strangest way imaginable? Did Alden attend art school and this was just a morbid "performance piece"? I suppose we'll never know the answers to these questions. ...That was definitely more than one question, I realize.
