Ah, Thanksgiving. The day when we all compete to see who can slip into a food coma first.
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Picture this: you've got Uncle Bob attempting his annual turkey-carving performance, wielding a knife like he's auditioning for a role in a horror movie. Meanwhile, Grandma's sweet potato casserole is like a marshmallow explosion that could give you diabetes just by looking at it.
The family dynamics are like a sitcom waiting to happen, which is probably why there are so many good Thanksgiving TV episodes centered around drama at the holiday table. There's Aunt Carol, the self-proclaimed stuffing connoisseur, who insists on critiquing everyone's contributions. And then there's cousin Tim, who brings his "world-famous" canned cranberry sauce and proudly announces it's a secret family recipe.
Let's not forget the parade of stretchy pants that make their annual appearance, a fashion statement that screams, "I came here to eat, not impress!"
But amidst the culinary chaos and quirky relatives, Thanksgiving is a day of heartfelt gratitude. It's a time to appreciate the moments when the turkey isn't dry, and when the dinner table debates don't turn into full-blown family feuds. It's a day to be thankful for the laughter, the love, and the leftovers that will sustain us for days to come.
In honor of the holiday where we all gather to overindulge, overshare, and overstay our welcome, let's rank the classic Thanksgiving foods we see on our tables year after year.
Beets
Beets are the vegetable that manages to make every Thanksgiving table feel a bit like a nutrition seminar. They're like the party guest no one invited but showed up anyway. You know you're in for a treat when you see those earthy, crimson roots staring back at you with a look that says, "I dare you to like me." Sorry, Dwight. This is one of those foods that, if you love, you love. There really isn't any in-between.
Cranberry Sauce
Ah, cranberry sauce, the jiggly, wobbly blob that defies all laws of solid food. It's like the superhero of Thanksgiving, swooping in to save your dry turkey with its tangy zing. But seriously, who decided that gelatinous cranberry goo was the ultimate sidekick for the big bird? It's like inviting Jell-O to a fancy dinner party. While many find the classic canned cranberry a nostalgic delicacy, it's pretty easy to make the side with fresh fruit. Or get wild and use cranberries for another Thanksgiving dish that has nothing to do with accompanying the turkey.
Green Bean Casserole
Green bean casserole, or as I like to call it, "the dish no one asked for." It's the culinary equivalent of a surprise party you didn't want. Those crispy fried onions on top? Well, they're just green beans' attempt at a disguise. But we see through your vegetable masquerade, green beans! But we won't rain on the green bean casserole fan club's parade. There are some green bean casserole recipes out there that manage to make this classic Thanksgiving dish tasty and full of flavor.
Brussels Sprouts
These tiny green orbs have undergone a miraculous transformation in the past decade. They used to be the outcasts of the Thanksgiving table, the veggies that even the dog turned up its nose at. But times have changed, and now they're like the Cinderella of side dishes. Roasted to perfection with a drizzle of olive oil and a sprinkle of sea salt, they've become crispy, caramelized bites of heaven.
Rolls
Rolls - the unsung heroes of Thanksgiving. They're like edible pillows for your gravy-soaked dreams. You can never have too many, but somehow, they always seem to vanish before you can grab a second one.
Creamed Corn
Creamed corn, the creamy dreamy side dish that's like a warm, comforting hug on a chilly Thanksgiving day. It's like a corny version of mashed potatoes, with a velvety texture that makes it a cozy companion to turkey and gravy.
Sweet Potatoes
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Sweet potatoes, the Thanksgiving side dish with an identity crisis. Are they a vegetable or dessert? Covered in marshmallows and brown sugar, they're a sweet surprise that's sure to make your dentist cringe. Or maybe your family is a bit less traditional and opts for a more savory take on this Thanksgiving side. Either way, it's a staple at the holiday table.
Pumpkin Pie
Pumpkin pie, the grand finale of Thanksgiving, where we all pretend we have room left for dessert. The beloved fall pie is like a slice of autumn, hugged by a flaky crust. Don't forget to bury your slice under a mountain of whipped cream.
Gravy
Gravy, the liquid gold that ties Thanksgiving together. It's the ultimate disguise artist, making even the driest turkey taste like a culinary masterpiece. You know you've hit the gravy jackpot when your plate resembles a gravy-filled swimming pool.
Turkey
Make way for the star of the show - turkey, the bird that's surprisingly tricky to cook just right. The centerpiece of the meal always seems to come out a scooch on the dry side, but we love it anyway because Thanksgiving without turkey is like a birthday without cake - it just doesn't make sense.
Mac 'n' Cheese
Mac 'n' cheese, the rebel of the Thanksgiving spread. She always seems slightly out of place beside the rest of the spread. Who invited this cheesy troublemaker? But let's be real, it's the dish everyone secretly hopes will make an appearance. Because who can resist the siren call of pasta and cheese?
Mashed Potatoes
Mashed potatoes, the fluffiest cloud in the Thanksgiving sky. They're holding this whole show together, whether we're talking about the disparate flavors of a Thanksgiving dinner or my emotional state. Creamy, dreamy, and buttery.
Stuffing
Whether crammed inside the bird or baked separately, stuffing is a carb-filled wonderland of flavor. Stuffing is the Thanksgiving sidekick that's anything but ordinary. It's like the Robin to turkey's Batman.
